whatever it is that you need to do,
wherever those words are that you haven’t written,
however your thoughts are cataloged,
does not matter.
they do not matter in the vacuum
of wishes wanting to suck you backward.
they do not matter in this laboratory
where Bunsen burners ignite you.
whatever it is that you need to think,
wherever those moments you haven’t conjured,
however your life will end up,
does not matter.
they do not matter in the whispers
of curtains over looking cities.
they do not matter in this parked car
where Adirondack midnights cool you.
very cool line – “whispers of curtains overlooking cities”
danke
i sent you two edits – to speakeasy, from navy.mil.
Hope you get them ;-)
thanks! I went with the concept of staying with you as opposed to the multiple narrative, it makes it much more finite in the message.
it does!
some tricks to powerful poetry i learned from UW writing workshops. . .focus on one pov. . .don’t mix metaphors/similies…don’t mix verb tense and try to stay in the present as much as possible (esp avoid passive voice. . .show, don’t tell ;-)
remember, a poem should convey the same power of story/experience as an entire novel takes to tell.
of course, like all “rules”, they are made to be creatively broken ;-)but they do help if youaren;t sure why something seems blurry, weak. . .you can play around with the language via these rules and it might help.
oh – wherever. . .remove middle extra e ;-)
edited, and thanks for the advice. i think in all of my intentional rule breaking, i forgot all of the rules i was breaking. so now instead of being rebellious, i am being ignorant.
hahahahahahahaha!